Monday, March 9, 2009

"What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be" Ellen Burstyn

If you too are a knitting-eclectic music loving-librarian, then divorce calls for three things:

1) a playlist
sorry, no way I'm linking to all of these. If you want more info on a song, hit google or youtube. ;-)

Disc 1:
I Will Survive Gloria Gaynor
These Boots Are Made for Walkin' Nancy Sinatra
My Give a Damn's Busted Jo Dee Messina
Before He Cheats Carrie Underwood
Picture To Burn Taylor Swift
The Chain Fleetwood Mac
You're So Vain Carly Simon
Go Your Own Way Fleetwood Mac
Piece of My Heart Janis Joplin
Goodbye Dusty Springfield
Little Lies Fleetwood Mac
I Will Survive The Puppini Sisters
Get Out Of This House Shawn Colvin
Jilted The Puppini Sisters
Breakin' Dishes Rihanna (she should listen to her own song and kick that guy to the curb!)
Not Big Lily Allen

Disk 2:
You Had Me Joss Stone
Shame For You Lily Allen
Metal Firecracker Lucinda Williams
You Oughta Know Alanis Morissette
Smile Lily Allen
Not The Doctor Alanis Morissette
I Will Survive Cake
Tainted Love Soft Cell
Don't Come Around Here No More Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
I Don't Care Anymore Phil Collins
Song For The Dumped Ben Folds Five
You Give Love A Bad Name Bon Jovi
I Love Myself Today Bif Naked
You Let Me Down Catholic Girls
Kiss You Off Scissor Sisters
Don't Stay Linkin Park

2) an epic knitting project
The lovely state of New York deems a one year separation a necessary part of the process. I find this less than productive, but am choosing to make it productive with the "epic knitting project." I will be making a Mason-Dixon Joseph's Blankie of Many Colors (ravelry link) log cabin blanket over the next year. The blanket will be finished when this is all over, and that, my friend, is positive productivity. Here's the little baby beginning of it:

It will take some care and planning to pace it throughout the year, but if I get to the end of the pattern too soon, I can just keep going. It is a combination of Lion Cotton-Ease, Knit Picks Shine Worsted, and Knit Picks Comfy (for the most part, there's a smidge of Webs yarn too). Here's a bag of Knit Picks goodness that just arrived, I think I have enough colors for the whole blanket now.
The pattern calls for DK and I'm using worsted so it should be a bit bigger than the pattern (good!) and I'm using size 7 needles instead of 6. This is the perfect project for an interchangeable needle set (more on that later!) so that you can keep increasing the length of the needle cord as the blanket grows. In the beginning you need much less of each color then the pattern calls for, so I'll have quite a bit of yarn left as well. So I decided to make a mitered square blanket in the same colors, however, I think mitered squares might just be too annoying for me. ;-) So I might do a different one instead, that's to be determined as that isn't the EPIC PROJECT.

3) lots of books
I probably read at least twenty books on divorce and separation. Some are religious, which I'm not interested in. Many focus on kids and custody which doesn't apply to me. These are the ones I personally recommend:

Crazy Aunt Purl's Drunk, Divorced, and Covered in Cat Hair: The true-life misadventures of a 30-something who learned to knit after he split by Laurie Perry
You might read her blog (you should! It's great. It's usually classed a knitting blog but the knitting is in a minority really, she's hilarious, she has goofy cats... my mom reads it and she's not a knitter. So, go add her to your blog list) but have you seen her book? Not just for divorcees any more than the blog is just for knitters... it's funny, it's sad, it's a good read. As I joked to my SIL when she bought me the book for Christmas off of my wishlist: I really don't drink so I will only be two out of three... :-P (damn cat hair!!)

Make Any Divorce Better!: specific steps to make things moother, faster, less painful, and save you a lot of money by Ed Sherman
Written by an attorney with 35 years of experience with divorce...

Congratulations on Your Divorce: the road to finding your happily ever after by Amy Botwinick
"Optimistic, chatty and accessible, Congratulations on Your Divorce guides you through the treacherous paths of divorce and into a life of renewed joy. It describes the world of divorce—warts and all—with some much-needed comic relief and heart. You’ll realize you’re not alone as you read about how the author and other women have coped with the emotional craziness of un-coupling, jettisoned their emotional baggage and gotten back on the road to defining and finding their happily ever after."

A Judge's Guide to Divorce: uncommon advice from the bench by Roderic Duncan
"Whatever you do, try to keep your case out of divorce court." Maybe strange words coming from a judge, but he's seen it all and he believes that the court system is not the best way to deal with a divorce. As he says, no one should let a judge make the decisions in their case unless there is no other choice. So this book covers the ways to avoid court, and then, if court is unavoidable, the best ways to deal with the process. From a guy who has been there! Very good book.

Not Your Mother's Divorce: a practical, girlfriend-to-girlfriend guide to surviving the end of a young marriage by Kay Moffett and Sarah Touborg
This one I'm reading right now, so I haven't finished it yet but I am loving it. Written by two former college roommates, it includes stories and quotes from a bunch of different women they interviewed, from all different situations and backgrounds. And it is specifically for women without children! A few review quotes: "...understand what it's like to deal with sudden "singledom" and the feelings that accompany it. In their down-to-earth guide, they help young divorcees tackle both legal and emotional problems in a tone that is by turns chatty and straightforward. Overwhelming issues are discussed with authority and sensitivity." "They offer compassionate and no-nonsense advice on everything from sharing the news about the breakup, and what to do with the wedding album, to re-entering the dating world and getting re-married."

I hope these can help somebody else at some point, although I wish nobody else would need them. :-)

edited to fix a link snafu


Laura said...

Great quote!
I love the idea of your epic project.
Books by people "who have been there" can be so helpful! The books I read after Dad died really helped.

Kyle and Amy said...

You are a Very Strong Woman, I think if this happened to me I would crumble. I'm glad you the book, I ordered it before you two split so I felt stupid giving it to you for a christmas gift. Your song list is really good, alot of good songs and videos on there. Lily allen is funny! and Before he cheats will sure be a classic someday.
I love your epic knitting project
what a wonderful symbol of the start to your new life.

alissa said...

Thanks, Ladies! Don't feel bad about the book, Amy, I wanted it before and *really* wanted it after.


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